OMGosh My BMI is 50

So this is the part I hate.  Holding myself accountable.  Really analyzing what my health situation is.  This is really where I am starting.  

So go check your BMI.  I found this bmi calculator online

Oh my goodness.  Can you believe this?  I am at 50 BMI, so I have to do something to make a change.  I feel like my body mass index almost matches my weight.  I don't want to body shame myself but I am like so ashamed of myself.

I remember back when I barely weighed like 160 -170 this really rotten girl at my job body shamed me.  Her name was Christine.  I had never had someone hurt me so badly.  She said, "I noticed you cannot button your jacket." Grrr. 

I had 2 children at the time and did not weigh anything near what I weigh now.  I barely ate anything because I was not making much money.  That always stuck with me and if I knew her today I might punch her ugliness in the face.

Another so called friend of mine who is just naturally thin, says, "Fat people are full of poop."  Well she could not be more wrong and more uneducated.  Visceral fat does not amount to poop.  But it is still not good. I need to make sure people understand I do not want to body shame myself or them but I am definitely on a quest to not be obese, so please know that is not my intention.  

I just want to be healthier. 

By the way if you have friends or a spouse who body shame you, they are not friends.  Ask them to get counseling for their body shaming if you want to keep them or dump them like a hot potato. You do not need that in your life.

If you are naturally thin, please do not shame others who are obese.  There are many factors that are out of a person's control that can lead to obesity. 

Genetics is one major cause.  I look just like my Dad's mom.  She was that cute, chubby, cuddly grandmother that wore a house dress and apron.  And she was adorable.  And I look just like her.  We will get into that later.

My own mother was very thin, and she had barely any boobs or butt.  So you would think I look like her.  Nope, not at all.  

I got my father's genetics.  I was not so lucky.  I am predisposed to looking at food and gaining weight.  I am just joking about that, but I feel that is my life.  I hold back from eating so many things and I am still in stage 3 obesity.  My father struggled with weight always.  And so do I. 

I am not the type that goes to a buffet and eats 3 plates of food.  Though I may have had like two sushi rolls and then a moderately chosen plate of chicken, noodles and green beans at that buffet.  That I have done admittedly.  

I can't understand why I am so predisposed to gaining pound after pound of weight.

I do own a business related to fashion and it is rare that anyone there is even close to normal weight.  But I do sell things for plus sizes because I know how hard it is to get clothes at that size and how hard it is to truly lose weight.  

Understanding my own obesity is half the battle. 

Understanding I have a problem without others saying anything is hard enough.  

Please know I have no intention of bashing others about their weight.  I might occasionally feel frustration at my own body though.  Excuse me if I do feel discouraged at times.  It's been a battle that I have dealt with half my life.